bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
