Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
