I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize