I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
