i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
