this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
