Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
