Umm I'm too high to move.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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