come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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