Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
