You made me cry and you don't even care
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
