I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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