david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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