She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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