Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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