there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
