What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
