Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
