and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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