Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He passed out mid-signature
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
