just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
