No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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