what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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