Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
