question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
