So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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