Are we in a gay sports bar?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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