two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
