wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
