New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
50% drunk capacity currently
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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