do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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