Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my being single is dangerous.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
