Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
