Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
