Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
