Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
