she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
