I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
