can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
