apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
