Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
