He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
