I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
