are you still at the devil's house?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
