There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
