I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
