If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
