I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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