They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
