I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
