Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
porn star boner night. come get it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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