Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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