Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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