At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize