Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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