I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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