Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
