Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
