its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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