its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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