So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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