Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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