Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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