We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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