i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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