I love black thongs
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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